So it turns out I've been in a really really bad mood the past few weeks. I didn't realize how miserable I was until Kim stepped into the car Friday night, and suddenly I was unbelievably and incredibly happy. I had forgotten how happy I can be. The ride up to Chicago was a blast, we were so loud and crazy and I felt like an 11-year-old I was laughing so much. I felt completely and totally myself...I was way more outgoing and friendly, and talked to pretty much everyone we passed and sat around in the restaurant Kim picked out... I asked the people waiting next to us what food they liked, and that started a conversation with them...I stopped in the middle of a conversation with Kim to tell a man passing us that I loved his shirt...it was purple. Turns out he was the manager...so WHY did we not get free dessert? ;) And we made really good friends with our waiter. In another restaurant on Saturday I made friends with a lady in the restroom, and we somehow started talking about her job--she teaches 6th grade history. I said, "Ohh I loved 6th grade history, I loved studying the different cultures in the world." She asked if I was a teacher, and what my subject was. I laughed and said, "Oh, no, I'm not." She said, "What is your profession?" I laughed again, "I'm 16." "SIXTEEN? Wow...you really don't--goodness. Well, compliments to you, you are no average sixteen-year-old!!" I laughed and told her to have a great school year as she left. Kim came out of the stall grinning. Anyway, I was just much more friendly and happy and random... more like myself than I've been in weeks!! It felt good to be back.
It also felt good to fall back into the traditions Kim and I have developed over the years...roommate scripture study, devotional and prayer, getting up too early, eating breakfast and playing egyptian rat screw, and falling back asleep...getting ready together and sharing eyeliner and such things. I like going out to eat with Kim, because it's like getting two meals...we just automatically share. She had a really good rice pilaf and steak quesadilla that I attacked while she massacred my mashed potatoes and french onion soup.
The temple was beautiful as always, though a little rushed. I would have liked to have a few minutes to sit in the waiting room and read scriptures, instead of being rushed about and told to change as fast as I could...and have problems with sizing...they gave me a small, and I needed an extra large. Much to the consternation of the temple workers, they do NOT stretch, and I am not sorry at all for my long torso--If I fitted the clothes they gave me, I would be 4'3" and weigh 200 pounds. Thank goodness I don't. Still, It was a wonderful experience, and it was great to share it with Kim and my parents. I think one of my favorite feelings in the world is reaching out to take Daddy's hand as I step into the font...and seeing his smile, and hearing Hannah's name inside my head...I rarely think of her, anymore...but I never step into the font without her name bursting out of nowhere into my head. Hannah, it's been 4 years since I was baptized for you, and I don't think I'll ever do temple work without hearing your name. I'll remember.
I've also decided one of the most beautiful things in the world is Mom in her temple clothes...I was watching her standing against the wall in a simple, flowing white dress....and her dark skin, hair and eyes were striking in contrast. She is so gorgeous.
I don't really have much to write about...I'm just in a really good mood. I'm so excited for seminary to start, and I'm not completely dreading school. I've decided that I don't really need friends, acquaintances are good enough. I'm not going to go into school looking for a Kim that isn't there. I'll just focus on school, voice, work, and the musicals, and visit Kim and Angus as often as I can, and hang out with my family the rest of the time. I've become really good friends with Mom and Dad, and I want to make these last few years special, because I know if I waste my time being rebellious and difficult I won't ever get a chance to do these years over. Maybe I'll try to make new friends in the stake, too...all of my old friends are gone...Emily, Justin, Eric, Aubrey...Jessica McInnes is moving to Vegas in a few months.
I applied for a job at Aeropostale...we'll see how that goes. Mom and I have come to an agreement that I can work 10 hours a week, if I keep my grades up. Which I will. ;)
Yeahhh, I guess I have a pretty boring life, but I had to give my sisters SOMETHING to read... see, this is why I never post!! It's boring, and what isn't I really can't say online. ;)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Guilty Blog
I felt so guilty watching Mary Beth check my blog when I hadn't posted in months, especially after she responded to my inquiry with "I keep hoping"...cut me to the core.
...not that I have anything interesting to write about. I just felt like I really needed to write.
Since my little tantrum last week over my self-esteem issues, I have, according to the bathroom scale, lost about 10 pounds. My heart returned to normal, and I stopped putting so much trust in that stupid little scale. Still, I've been making a consistent effort to eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I try to sleep more and I've been exercising more frequently--I'm going to go for a run once I finish this post. Even if it's not really making a true difference in my weight, I FEEL better about myself, and so when I look in the mirror I tend to look for the good things more.
I babysat for 10 hours today, and it was pleasantly uneventful. I was exhausted, I had a hard time sleeping last night, and I felt guilty that I kept zoning out before bringing myself firmly back to consciousness. Still, we had fun-- I made quesadillas for lunch, and was very amused to hear Jonah whisper to Reid, "I LIKE babysitters that can cook!!"
I ran to voice after work, but even though I had all green lights on the way there and I left work 15 minutes earlier than usual, I was 10 minutes late. Still, we got a lot done in my lesson, and I left with renewed determination to throw myself into my practice.
I stopped at Target and did some quick shopping, and stopped at the Bank--an hour after it closed--to deposit my check. Or not. Guess I'll get that done tomorrow.
I still have so much to do before the summer ends--I need to read Arabian Nights, find a tap dance class for this year, and apply for a job at Gander Mountain. This last is probably the most exciting. Excited at the prospect of possibly working there, also excited to maybe be able to answer the working question with "Gander Mountain." ...it just sounds so...impressively awesome. BUT. I don't think I will be able to apply for another month or so. Mom wants me to take the ACT before I get a job...which makes me very doubtful I will be able to find anything, that long after school starts. I have a hunch this is a plan of hers--she isn't very excited about me working at all. But when I need serious financial help in college, I can just say, "Hey, I got a scholarship, and I didn't work, when I could have done both." ...No... I know that'll never happen. Even if I really do need help...I feel really uncomfortable asking my parents for money.
...anyway. If Gander Mountain doesn't work out, I hear McDonald's is hiring. Like that, Mom?
...ok, well I'm in a pretty foul mood right now, and I sense a fight coming on if I stay in the house much longer. I think I'll run upstairs and change and run around outside until I'm too exhausted to move...
Oh!! soo soo soo soo soo excited--Mom and Dad are going to the temple this weekend, and I was going to spend the weekend at Kim's. Then Kim and I talked it over and decided to jump on the bandwagon, and go to the temple, too. I'm really excited to see her and go to the temple--I haven't been there in a while.
...meanwhile, I'm seriously considering getting purple highlights in my hair. Mom and Dad keep making comments about me trying to be rebellious...I figure if they are going to accuse me of such a thing, I should at least deserve it. What think you? Is purple good, or should I go with something more obvious--maybe a bright, obnoxious green. ;) love you both.
...not that I have anything interesting to write about. I just felt like I really needed to write.
Since my little tantrum last week over my self-esteem issues, I have, according to the bathroom scale, lost about 10 pounds. My heart returned to normal, and I stopped putting so much trust in that stupid little scale. Still, I've been making a consistent effort to eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I try to sleep more and I've been exercising more frequently--I'm going to go for a run once I finish this post. Even if it's not really making a true difference in my weight, I FEEL better about myself, and so when I look in the mirror I tend to look for the good things more.
I babysat for 10 hours today, and it was pleasantly uneventful. I was exhausted, I had a hard time sleeping last night, and I felt guilty that I kept zoning out before bringing myself firmly back to consciousness. Still, we had fun-- I made quesadillas for lunch, and was very amused to hear Jonah whisper to Reid, "I LIKE babysitters that can cook!!"
I ran to voice after work, but even though I had all green lights on the way there and I left work 15 minutes earlier than usual, I was 10 minutes late. Still, we got a lot done in my lesson, and I left with renewed determination to throw myself into my practice.
I stopped at Target and did some quick shopping, and stopped at the Bank--an hour after it closed--to deposit my check. Or not. Guess I'll get that done tomorrow.
I still have so much to do before the summer ends--I need to read Arabian Nights, find a tap dance class for this year, and apply for a job at Gander Mountain. This last is probably the most exciting. Excited at the prospect of possibly working there, also excited to maybe be able to answer the working question with "Gander Mountain." ...it just sounds so...impressively awesome. BUT. I don't think I will be able to apply for another month or so. Mom wants me to take the ACT before I get a job...which makes me very doubtful I will be able to find anything, that long after school starts. I have a hunch this is a plan of hers--she isn't very excited about me working at all. But when I need serious financial help in college, I can just say, "Hey, I got a scholarship, and I didn't work, when I could have done both." ...No... I know that'll never happen. Even if I really do need help...I feel really uncomfortable asking my parents for money.
...anyway. If Gander Mountain doesn't work out, I hear McDonald's is hiring. Like that, Mom?
...ok, well I'm in a pretty foul mood right now, and I sense a fight coming on if I stay in the house much longer. I think I'll run upstairs and change and run around outside until I'm too exhausted to move...
Oh!! soo soo soo soo soo excited--Mom and Dad are going to the temple this weekend, and I was going to spend the weekend at Kim's. Then Kim and I talked it over and decided to jump on the bandwagon, and go to the temple, too. I'm really excited to see her and go to the temple--I haven't been there in a while.
...meanwhile, I'm seriously considering getting purple highlights in my hair. Mom and Dad keep making comments about me trying to be rebellious...I figure if they are going to accuse me of such a thing, I should at least deserve it. What think you? Is purple good, or should I go with something more obvious--maybe a bright, obnoxious green. ;) love you both.
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