Falling In Love

This was in my files of my computer...I wrote it a few months ago.

The term ‘falling in love’ has always provoked uneasiness, if not downright fear, in my mind. When I think of falling, I think of helplessness. When you fall, you have lost control. You have thrown caution to the winds and given up your ability to manipulate and influence your surroundings. Someone else might catch you. Or they might not. Then you break. Love is risky business.

…But what about the risk of not taking the risk? You risk being alone and unhappy. Better to take a chance and be unhappy because you got hurt, than to not take a chance and be miserable because you are lonely.

I’ve done both. I have hurled myself into the unknown for the chance of love, and I have remained with both feet firmly planted on the good, solid ground. I think most people experiment with the two, and most probably come to the same conclusion I have. My advice is this: If there is someone waiting at the base of the cliff, beckoning and reaching out to you, strap on some reasonable safety equipment and go for it. But if you find yourself yelling “Somebody catch me! Stop walking away! Come catch me!!” it is likely whoever you are hollering at will not be there to break your fall. Don’t be dumb. Only jump if there is someone there to catch you.

That said, it is a good idea to be selective about who you jump for. Whoever said love happens when prince charming comes along fooled a lot of people into thinking falling for a dirt bag is impossible. It is not a good idea to date a jerk ‘just for fun’, because it is easy to learn to care for anyone if you spend a lot of time with them. Here’s a clue: people are who they want to be. Form relationships with people based on who they are, not who you wish they were. Odds are, they won’t be making any permanent changes anytime soon.

Love can be wonderful and rewarding and fulfilling. Or it can be hell. It depends on where you jump, when you do it, and who (if anyone) is waiting to catch you. Don’t let your heart take over and grind you into the rocks at the bottom. But don’t let your fears squash your hopes for love into oblivion, either. Find a good balance. Think it through. If your mind isn’t screaming “death is near”, you might want to give your heart a little freedom.

I’ve been in love—with the wrong person. Eventually, I had to tell my heart to stop fooling me…we were completely wrong for each other. Our romance was cruel and painful and abusive. We were addicted to hurting each other …but then there were sweet moments, passionate kisses, and breath-stealing thrills. Those wild, exhilarating snatches of bliss kept us coming back to each other. But no matter how many times we broke up and decided to try again, it never worked. It ended in fighting and swearing and crying, cheating and lying and staring blankly at the ceiling. We couldn’t face the fact that we were bad together—but neither of us could fool ourselves that this was how love should be. Eventually, we moved on and dated other people. We tried being friends, but ‘friends’ ended up in a car in a deserted parking lot at night too frequently to ignore.

Love is balanced. Extremes don’t work well with it. When you make decisions concerning love, use your heart and your mind. Don’t mistake passion for love. Love can be passionate, but passion cannot satisfy without the tenderness of love. Be careful with your heart. Remember that you can fall in love with someone who is not good for you. In these cases, let your mind guide you. Break free from the pain of abuse and mistrust. Lend your love to someone loyal, tender, and patient. Not a “maybe I’ll catch you, if I feel so inclined”, but a “I’m here. Trust me. I love you.”

Love is good and right. When you know in your mind and in your heart, when you trust the familiar face below, leap. Land on your feet, and take their hand of support and assurance that they will not retract through a lifetime of adventures. In the end, smart lovers win. Be brave.