welll im in a good mood.

dance has gone really well, i love love love my tap class....

and i danced soo hard yesterday, and im not sore at all, i feel GREATT!!!!!! it was almost easy, and after practicing it and getting it in my muscle memory so i wouldnt have to think about it, it was just effortless. except for the sweat pouring down my back, but i can deal with that.

today i gave my speech, and i completley and totally went up unprepared, but everyone said i looked so confident and i was very assertive, and my speech was really interesting and engaging and they liked it!!! yay!!

after school a couple kids from mt came over...we practiced dance till our clothes were soaked, made up our choreography for tomorrow, practiced monologues, ate ice cream, went running, threw walnuts at passing cars, and critiqued eachothers performances. it was so fun...i love theater kids

i am really loving my classes, too. they are hard, but i love how they challenge me. i love the people in them and ive made new friends already. a few need to learn how to keep their hands to themselves, but they'll catch on after they've had them slapped a few times...usual drill. ;)

and lets just say being able to come home during lunch saved my butt today...normally i would have had to call mom, go home and change, and come back...so yeahh it was nice to be able to just leave. :D you would think i would learn to be more prepared..hahaha.

and i am definitley losing weight. yesss. i just LOOK thinner. and yeahh it feels good. totally worth the food i skip out on and the sweat i lose in constant running and dancing.

aaaannnd i have tentative plans for this weekend...just waiting for the response from this guy... i really hope it works out, i'll feel horrible if it doesnt...i dont even know HOW many times he's asked me out, and i've always had a good reason why i cant....family in town, homework, can't drive, hanging out with friends, going to camp, ect ect... but he keeps trying and it makes me feel really sorry for him. clarification: that is definitley NOT why i want to hang out with him. He is pretty dang awesome. I don't do pity dates. anyway. i really hope we can get together this weekend, because i have free passes to gokarting and theres a ton of other stuff we can do...fun fun. :D

uggh. school is starting to get to me...still, im on top of my work...so yay.
only thing im really looking forward to is dancing my butt off tomorrow...for 2 hours and 45 minutes. the next day is an easy one, only 2 hours. halleluja. my life is so great.

so im not really sure how im feeling. i think i did something that may or may not end up blowing up in my face...if it doenst, itll be great, but if it does i am dead dead dead. i guess you just have to take risks in life sometimes. but im getting a feeling this is a risk i could have lived without taking.

my feet kill right now.

and i am very hungry. i had a peice of toast for breakfast, and two peices of toast for lunch. hmmm. not a very balanced diet.....i should fix that, but im too lazy. haha.

im just exhausted...from everything. sleep deprivation, hard work, excercise, and social stress. blaahhh.

i guess i just feel... i dont even know...

im trying to figure out who i am, and who i want to be. and i just dont see anything...i have an idea of things i want to do, except not since im soo confused...but right now im just lost. what do i believe? how do i feel about stuff? what is my reaction to that? who the heck am i?? its not really set. i could be whatever i want to be. i could be shy or stupid or smart or outgoing or slutty or conservative if i wanted to be...ive always felt like i knew who i was and what i was like, and i could write a description of my characteristics noo problemm... now i dont know. i dont even know if im tall or short, thin or in need of losing a few. i dont know my own mind, and ive always been so opinionated and certain of everything.

all i know is i love music.

i dont know if i can say anything else about myself for certain.

My Smiles

I really don't have much to blog about, so I'll just write the good things.
fresh blueberries
Pantenne shampoo and conditioner
talking on the phone with elise
new makeup
camelback waterbottles
baguettes and brie
clean, green grass
a full tank
new towels
paycheck
finishing a good book
fruit leather
fully charged phone
white dresses
clean, tight jeans
carmex
chinn chinn's
late night walks
giving rachael hand massages
bear claw
watching the stars come out
painted toes
sweating...i know thats weird but when i'm running and sweating so bad it feels amazing
looking at the moon...and crying because it is so beautiful
losing weight
complimenting strangers
hot sun
kiwi
flowers in a vase
going to south haven with mom and dad....and walking along the pier in the rain and storm
big rings
belly laughs
quelf
pictures
writing in my journal after a simple, uneventful, good good good day
waking up with a cold breeze on my back
wild rice
being alone
straightening ruth's hair
smiling
driving with the windows down
shopping with friends
bonfires
back rubs
funny stories
hearing people use big words...and knowing what they mean!!
invitations
staying up late just to sit alone in the dark, listening to the silence, the peace
singing
knowing you made someone happy
a new razor
contemplating college!!!
night lights
meowing at yappy dogs
ultimate frisbee
hanging out with mom
kisses
sunglasses
mail
the picture elise sent me!!
walking in the rain
funny stories
random texts
bad movie nights with mary beth
playing what not to wear at target
new swimming suits
visiting kim and angus
raspberry lemonade
my little neices and nephew
paintballing
canoeing
dates
dances with emily!!
pranks
capture the flag
loud music
waking up completley well-rested

well, those are the things i can think of right now that make me happy. what are your smiles?

A weekend at the temple with Kim, Mom, and Dad

So it turns out I've been in a really really bad mood the past few weeks. I didn't realize how miserable I was until Kim stepped into the car Friday night, and suddenly I was unbelievably and incredibly happy. I had forgotten how happy I can be. The ride up to Chicago was a blast, we were so loud and crazy and I felt like an 11-year-old I was laughing so much. I felt completely and totally myself...I was way more outgoing and friendly, and talked to pretty much everyone we passed and sat around in the restaurant Kim picked out... I asked the people waiting next to us what food they liked, and that started a conversation with them...I stopped in the middle of a conversation with Kim to tell a man passing us that I loved his shirt...it was purple. Turns out he was the manager...so WHY did we not get free dessert? ;) And we made really good friends with our waiter. In another restaurant on Saturday I made friends with a lady in the restroom, and we somehow started talking about her job--she teaches 6th grade history. I said, "Ohh I loved 6th grade history, I loved studying the different cultures in the world." She asked if I was a teacher, and what my subject was. I laughed and said, "Oh, no, I'm not." She said, "What is your profession?" I laughed again, "I'm 16." "SIXTEEN? Wow...you really don't--goodness. Well, compliments to you, you are no average sixteen-year-old!!" I laughed and told her to have a great school year as she left. Kim came out of the stall grinning. Anyway, I was just much more friendly and happy and random... more like myself than I've been in weeks!! It felt good to be back.

It also felt good to fall back into the traditions Kim and I have developed over the years...roommate scripture study, devotional and prayer, getting up too early, eating breakfast and playing egyptian rat screw, and falling back asleep...getting ready together and sharing eyeliner and such things. I like going out to eat with Kim, because it's like getting two meals...we just automatically share. She had a really good rice pilaf and steak quesadilla that I attacked while she massacred my mashed potatoes and french onion soup.

The temple was beautiful as always, though a little rushed. I would have liked to have a few minutes to sit in the waiting room and read scriptures, instead of being rushed about and told to change as fast as I could...and have problems with sizing...they gave me a small, and I needed an extra large. Much to the consternation of the temple workers, they do NOT stretch, and I am not sorry at all for my long torso--If I fitted the clothes they gave me, I would be 4'3" and weigh 200 pounds. Thank goodness I don't. Still, It was a wonderful experience, and it was great to share it with Kim and my parents. I think one of my favorite feelings in the world is reaching out to take Daddy's hand as I step into the font...and seeing his smile, and hearing Hannah's name inside my head...I rarely think of her, anymore...but I never step into the font without her name bursting out of nowhere into my head. Hannah, it's been 4 years since I was baptized for you, and I don't think I'll ever do temple work without hearing your name. I'll remember.

I've also decided one of the most beautiful things in the world is Mom in her temple clothes...I was watching her standing against the wall in a simple, flowing white dress....and her dark skin, hair and eyes were striking in contrast. She is so gorgeous.

I don't really have much to write about...I'm just in a really good mood. I'm so excited for seminary to start, and I'm not completely dreading school. I've decided that I don't really need friends, acquaintances are good enough. I'm not going to go into school looking for a Kim that isn't there. I'll just focus on school, voice, work, and the musicals, and visit Kim and Angus as often as I can, and hang out with my family the rest of the time. I've become really good friends with Mom and Dad, and I want to make these last few years special, because I know if I waste my time being rebellious and difficult I won't ever get a chance to do these years over. Maybe I'll try to make new friends in the stake, too...all of my old friends are gone...Emily, Justin, Eric, Aubrey...Jessica McInnes is moving to Vegas in a few months.

I applied for a job at Aeropostale...we'll see how that goes. Mom and I have come to an agreement that I can work 10 hours a week, if I keep my grades up. Which I will. ;)

Yeahhh, I guess I have a pretty boring life, but I had to give my sisters SOMETHING to read... see, this is why I never post!! It's boring, and what isn't I really can't say online. ;)

A Guilty Blog

I felt so guilty watching Mary Beth check my blog when I hadn't posted in months, especially after she responded to my inquiry with "I keep hoping"...cut me to the core.

...not that I have anything interesting to write about. I just felt like I really needed to write.

Since my little tantrum last week over my self-esteem issues, I have, according to the bathroom scale, lost about 10 pounds. My heart returned to normal, and I stopped putting so much trust in that stupid little scale. Still, I've been making a consistent effort to eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I try to sleep more and I've been exercising more frequently--I'm going to go for a run once I finish this post. Even if it's not really making a true difference in my weight, I FEEL better about myself, and so when I look in the mirror I tend to look for the good things more.

I babysat for 10 hours today, and it was pleasantly uneventful. I was exhausted, I had a hard time sleeping last night, and I felt guilty that I kept zoning out before bringing myself firmly back to consciousness. Still, we had fun-- I made quesadillas for lunch, and was very amused to hear Jonah whisper to Reid, "I LIKE babysitters that can cook!!"

I ran to voice after work, but even though I had all green lights on the way there and I left work 15 minutes earlier than usual, I was 10 minutes late. Still, we got a lot done in my lesson, and I left with renewed determination to throw myself into my practice.

I stopped at Target and did some quick shopping, and stopped at the Bank--an hour after it closed--to deposit my check. Or not. Guess I'll get that done tomorrow.

I still have so much to do before the summer ends--I need to read Arabian Nights, find a tap dance class for this year, and apply for a job at Gander Mountain. This last is probably the most exciting. Excited at the prospect of possibly working there, also excited to maybe be able to answer the working question with "Gander Mountain." ...it just sounds so...impressively awesome. BUT. I don't think I will be able to apply for another month or so. Mom wants me to take the ACT before I get a job...which makes me very doubtful I will be able to find anything, that long after school starts. I have a hunch this is a plan of hers--she isn't very excited about me working at all. But when I need serious financial help in college, I can just say, "Hey, I got a scholarship, and I didn't work, when I could have done both." ...No... I know that'll never happen. Even if I really do need help...I feel really uncomfortable asking my parents for money.
...anyway. If Gander Mountain doesn't work out, I hear McDonald's is hiring. Like that, Mom?

...ok, well I'm in a pretty foul mood right now, and I sense a fight coming on if I stay in the house much longer. I think I'll run upstairs and change and run around outside until I'm too exhausted to move...

Oh!! soo soo soo soo soo excited--Mom and Dad are going to the temple this weekend, and I was going to spend the weekend at Kim's. Then Kim and I talked it over and decided to jump on the bandwagon, and go to the temple, too. I'm really excited to see her and go to the temple--I haven't been there in a while.

...meanwhile, I'm seriously considering getting purple highlights in my hair. Mom and Dad keep making comments about me trying to be rebellious...I figure if they are going to accuse me of such a thing, I should at least deserve it. What think you? Is purple good, or should I go with something more obvious--maybe a bright, obnoxious green. ;) love you both.

Random post for Mary Beth cuz I Promised

Yesterday, I was walking home with a friend from school, waving at the cars that honked as they went by, singing to the music, tripping each other, commenting on random things...and this moment happened.

Mallori: The sky is really clear today. Like, really clear.

Rosalind: Yeahh and it was super cloudy this morning. The sun evaporated all the clouds.

Today, in class we did a scene from Huckleberry Finn. We had our scripts on the table, and the window was open--and a BIG wind winded in, and blew them all over, and we couldn't figure out their order...so we improvised...and Mallori started stealing things and stuffing them down the front of her dress. I asked her a question and she turned around--and I choked. She had 2 differently sized apples and an orange in the front of her dress. I said, "What happened to you?" She said wildly, "I hit puberty....please, Mum, don't say nuthin', fer it's awful embar'sing for a poor gal like me, y'se." "Oh...well...take a cheer..." We sat--I stared at her...and said conversationally, "You know, usually people just start with two." ...She picked up some bread and asked me about the crime.

Two days ago, Mom and Dad were talking about someone Mary Beth is working with that has to look at Porn videos...I said, "But--isn't that illegal?" "Yes." "Then why--I mean, that's like stealing music...they're not paying for it!!"

Last night, our wonderful Young Women's leaders did a spa night for us...pedicures, ect. Very brave, I wouldn't have wanted to touch those girls' feet...especially in flip flop season...anyway. There was this one wax treatment for your feet--you dip your feet in a tub of hot wax 3 or 4 times and let it dry and peel it off.
...I was brave enough to try it.
...I have the greatest sympathy for those who have suffered through chinease torture.
It was so painful...and as i pulled my foot out...some of the wax got on the church carpet. and soaked into it. And dried. And will remain there forever.

Song That is Running Throughh Ma HEADD: Tension and the Terror by Straylight Run.
...give it a listen. good song...

...Tounge Tied, by Faber Drive, is pretty good too...so is Moment of Truth by FM Static, and Roses and Butterflies by Making April....
yeahh and tons of others, I have wayy too much music...OHH and Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson!!! Dont'cha Lovvee music!!??

....SOO life is going pretty good latley...I'm happy...School is extremely stressful, since...I have exams tomorrow and next week and then I have the week before all the REST of my exams and then the Normal School Exam week...blahh. I'm ready for my dance final--I choreographed a contmeporary dance to "Take Me As I Am" from Jekyll and Hyde, I did a paper on Ann Reinking and her carrer as a choreographer, I filled out 2 pages of notes on famous choreographers and steps and forms of dance and how they came to be...I know all the steps I'll be asked to do for the practical portion and I think I'll be o.k. in the audition combination...
What I need to do now is focus on getting my application for MTV turned in or Mulay will have my skin--Oh, i need pictures for that...and I need to memorize my monologue and turn in my song analysis to Corlyn and memorize my audition songs for my musical theater exam... ...and then I will read Alice In Wonderland, which was supposed to be done today, but I'll start it tomorrow, and I will memorize a few pages of it to recite next wedensday, and then I will relax for a few minutes before I start studying for my other exams...
...and try to catch up on 6 months worth of seminary reading....and take the final course of Drivers' ed and my driving test and start working 10 hour days and get ready for a bunch of trips.
I am so glad my life is so easy and relaxinggg...
...but hey, at least I have friends that I will hang out with someday when I am not busy, and sisters I can talk to someday when I am not insanely sleep deprived and grumpy....
...I need to get my priorities straightened out...

oh, opinions on the MTV production...should I do it? Is it worth the time and stress during school and the summer? Should I focus on school right now and worry about that stuff when I'm out of high school?? I really don't know what to do--where is my life goingg???!!! opinions, help, suggestions, PLEASE anything.

life rocks and sucks at the same time. blah.

life comes at you fast--a single day can change who you are forever. it's easiest to not look back with regret at the things you missed out on, or didn't appreciate...on the things you wish you'd changed. is easier to learn from it, and forget it.

i've learned to love with all my heart.
I've learned that the little petty differences, arguments, and concerns, are so stupid they don't even matter...and things that would have made me cry weeks ago just bounce off me now--becuase i know they don't matter.
I've learned to forget about myself, and to start caring about other people.
I've learned that hating god doesn't help, but realizing the things he has given you to strengthen you and help you will build your courage and fortify your weaknesses.
I've learned that sometimes god gives you horrible trials to give you empathy for other people--going through difficult things gives you the knowlege and capability to help others in need.
I've learned that fearing the future ruins the joy you could have in the present.
I've learned that it is better to love and be hurt than to never love at all and miss the joy.
I've learned that god loves his children, and knows them, and there is nothing they can do to change that...he will never leave them.
I've seen parts of me i never knew were there...i've found strength i didn't know existed. tribulations bring out the worst in some, and the best in others, but either way, you find out who you really are.
I've learned to pray.
I've learned to read the scriptures.
I've found a long term perspective for life--and it makes the cliffs into mountains and the hills into plains.

I've learned things that people tell you every day; but only through experience have they resonated in my SOUL.

I've learned that nothing good comes without a price--and the pain is worth the happiness. I've learned not to be afraid of living life...I've learned to take a jump, and pray to god i can fly...because if i keep my feet on the ground, how am i ever going to know what true joy is??

...and i've learned that sisters are one of god's more brilliant ideas. my biggest regret in life is my relationship with my sisters--some of them don't even know who i am.

life can be the most painful, miserable experience. but it can also be filled with joy and gladness. i guess if we want to live it, we have to take both--and it's going go change us, and the changes will be difficult and painful...as if you're a stone and someone is cutting off bits of you with a chisel...but all you can do is plow through it, and thank god for whatever you have to hold onto.

...i gave up chocolate.

...haha. just kidding. :) ...just thought i'd lighten that dark, heavy, in-depth mood...

...i really haven't given up chocolate. ;)

SOOO HAPPPYYYYYYY. :DDDDD

Its always the times I'm busiest I decide to write. So I have no time to write. :P ...If i were to write about my day, it would be really depressing. stress, homework, mental breakdown, shots, singing, dance, acting, overall grumpiness directed towards gum stealers. and my neck hurts. but Today, after I finished crying and having a horrible day, I thought how miserable I was and how i realllyyyy reallyyy wanted a friend to call me and tell me how wonderful i was and how much they loved me, because after another nightmare about my best friend ditching me, I was pretty lonely and self-esteem deficient. Then I thought about how often I called other people like that. So I called someone. Someone I haven't talked to in a while, and even though IM the one with the bad day I tried to sound happy and told them how much i appreciated them...I told them exactly what I wanted to be told. and then I sat in front of my computer and ate chocolate chips to keep myself happy. BADDD habit. :( I am a sinner. ...anwayy, now I'm failing again and wishing I could move to another state and be with my friends. And feeling very, very depressed. And lonely. And quite miserable. But Im not bitter.

...Life is good. LIFE IS GOOD. I AM HAPPYYYY. so happy.
...the sun was shining yesterday. and i went for a 2.5 hour drive, and it was lovely. Listened to some soothing vienna teng. sang along...today I umm did something good...umm i got a 97 on my math test, and brought my grade up!! yay. ...I also...um. I had a greattt voice lesson. Well, it was ok. But compared to the rest of my day, it was great. And I decided to not do forensics. Stressful. And I am going to hang out with friends this weekend. YAY. I havent seen half of these people since december, and more than half since uhhh maybe november or october. sadd sadd sadd. sadd, too, that I can't figure out proper percentages... My math teacher would be ashamed. Not that the 56 on my math test wasnt ashaming enough LAST month.....but hey, this month was good. So I AM HAPPYYY.

...um...good things....I found my contacts this morning. that made me happy. And when I yelled at mom today and was really mean and sarcastic and cutting, she was just quiet. And I started crying and she wasn't mean back. That was a definite plus. Thanks mom. Annnddd...good things...um. Hot n' spicy cheez its are nice. ohh im horrible at trying to be positive when I am NOT in a good mood. Why do i always write when I'm grumpy??? Probalby so other people will feel sorry for me. Its for attention, I know it is. :( I am soo pathetic. hahahahahaha...okay, what good things happened itn your day today???

McDonalds Adventures

Rosalind is exhausted and just finished her homework but is veryy happy after going with a bunch of friends from the musical to see "Escanaba In Love" at Farmer's Alley....it was hilarious. And Rachael, the guy in it said he went to school with you...Sean something. way good looking...he was in Les Miserables. Said hes friends with you on facebook...asked how you were. Mentioned you did forensics together...haha I think he was kinda suprized when I didn't really know much about what you did in forensics, and maybe somewhat sad since he wanted to discuss it...anyway. it was a great show.
....and when morgan and i went to dinner beforehand, we went to McDonalds...and the guy that took our orders was hitting on me. He said, "Hello, how are you all doing tonight?" and I said, "Hi!" He looked at me and laughed and said, "Aw, that made my day--you're the happiest person I've talked to for weeks. Can you come in earlier?" Morgan laughed and winked at me...the guy was cute, but um kinda weird can you say? haha anyway, then He said to morgan, "Is she always like this?" "yeah, she's always happy and hyper." He laughed...and then when i was ordering, I couldn't decide on what mcflurry to get, and i asked what his favorite was. He said probably oreo and m&ms. I said, "okay, ill go with that." Then some guy came over and said, "oh it doesnt work like that....you cant convert a drink to a mcflurry." he said, "oh ok. " the other kid left and the guy smiled at me and said, hold on ill be fast." He gave it to me as a drink...as we walked away the other guy came over and started yelling at him for giving me a discount that somehow didn't exist. I felt kinda bad, i was willing to pay...then morgan and i were eating in a corner and he came over and leaned on the back of a chair and started talking to us. he said, "sorry, I actually wasn't supposed to mix the two things together...it's not allowed...and I changed it to a drink, too." "Oh, well i can pay for that--" "No, no--i just thought you might want to know...so how are you guys?" It was realllyyy funny... then he left and some other worker came out of the bathroom. he recognized us...it was tyler thorton. he talked to us for a few minutes about the musical...then the one guy that had taken our orders came around the corner and saw his coworker and called out, "hey man--come on!" tyler left. Morgan watched over my shoulder---my back was to them. She stifled a laugh and whispered, "He's asking tyler if he knows us. nice." another worker passed buy us at least 6 times...he asked if we wanted napkins, asked how our food was, and then later asked if there was anything he could do for us, and then he said, "I'm your personal server for the night." ...we left as soon as we could, and burst out laughing when we got to the car. I turned to morgan and said, "that never happens to me when im not around you. whats up with YOU?" she laughed, "none of them even looked at me! it's YOUR Fault!!" it was pretty hilarious...apparently, workers at mcdonalds get boreddd with their long days....thats the best service ive ever had at a fast food restaurant...the one guy told us to come back more often....hm. eh, i doubt id be able to get a discount again.

anyway, our adventures at mcdonalds transferred to steak n shake, where we met chase and justin...they ordered and ate in 3 minutes flat, a triple steak burger and fries for each of them...they were eating pretty slow until morgan said, "we're gonna be late. whoever finishes first gets a kiss." Poor justin...chase won, they kissed, and we ran out the door...we were at the theater in perfect timing...and it was great, like ive said...now im going to bed, I have a show to do tomorrow...goodnight!!

Useless

What can you say? When the phone rings and your friend tells you--there's little you can do or say to help comfort the loss of a loved one. It's an impossible circumstance. But it's worse when you know you have knowledge that could help to heal them, that you know there is a plan and that they will be with their family again, that they will be together forever. And you just can't say it...so you stand and say, "I'm sorry, I love you, I'll be praying for you." Just like everyone else...and you feel worthless.

A Poem For Eric...yeah, that's you...;)

WELL!! This week has been busy!...new classes and teachers....but things are going well. :) Rehearsals are picking up, and I'm starting to really love this musical...so yay!! ...yesterday I didn't go to school, and I slept until 2:40, when the phone rang and woke me up. Then I wrote and English paper, wrote a current event paper, and wrote a critique for Deathtrap....I baked a cake and read scriptures and wrote in my journal and went to bed. I felt soo good when I woke up this morning, I was soo awake!! Today was a good day...I got everything done, and my dancing was good...and I've started to connect with my character, and find my relationships with those around me.

I feel like I should write something wonderfully insperational and philisophical...but I just can't think of anything. Eric would have a million ideas, and my mind is blank...maybe I'm just not as amazingly insperational as Eric. I feel like my life is kinda in a rut...I excercise, sing, act, dance, work, sleep, and go to church every 7 days. Most of these things I love...but I don't have time to think as much during the day, I'm so busy. I don't really write for pleasure...all my creativity is being channeled into my singing, dancing, or acting. I feel kinda drained...like my only life is on the stage. maybe I'm overworking myself...What I really want to do is go outside, and walk through the trees and lie in the snow and watch it fall...and just--not do anything. Just lie there...not thinking of anything in particular. Wondering about insignificant things. Or just clearing my mind of all the business...So it's completley blank. And then I'd let my thoughts come slowly...those simple, wondering thoughts. The ones that are so obvious, but that people seem to ignore in their busy lives. I'd think these thoughts...and imagine lying there in the snow with my closest friends, quietly thinking, or laughing or making snow angels or having a snow fight...something I haven't done for a long time.

Okay that was random.

And it didn't make any sense. Sorry, Eric, I fail. :(

haha I just tried to think of something creative and moving...and I started singing...it was very pretty, moving music...but it wasnt anything I could write. :(

i wish i had more time
time to think, or to not think at all
time to watch the snowflakes fall

i wish i had more space
space to run, or to stand still and breathe
space to quietly think and grieve

i wish i had more inspiration
inspiration to come up with something astounding
to write in this stupid lame poem.

ok, so I stole an idea from you and put poetry in my blog. get over it, yours is better anyway. :(
Well, I thought it was a good day, but writing in my blog boring things about my life suddenly made it a very bad day....oh well. Jessica is coming over tonight to do something fun...maybe I'll feel better then. I'm hungry.

mood: grumpy and uncreative and impatient and hungry.

face: :P

Finals Are Over...Finally. :)

Finals are over...finally. ;) I'm so glad...I haven't checked my grades yet, I know the first few but I haven't bothered to look at the others...something which, I am sure, sets me apart from my sisters. Oh, well. I've had rehearsals nonstop, It's really stressful and very hard on my legs...they are soo sore!! ...maybe that's also because I've started running every day after rehearsal...why am I such an exercise freak? It's not like I don't get enough at rehearsal...yesterday I danced for 4 hours. ...anyway, things have been going well lately, I've made friends with lots of people, and I'm really enjoying rehearsals more....I spent 4 hours painting the set the other day, and it was a blast...afterwards, Morgan, Lucas, Anica and I went out to lunch.

Last night I cleaned and vacuumed my room and bathroom, did laundry, and wrote an essay for my EFA grant application...I was in the shower when Jessica got here. We talked about EFY and I taught her the dance...then we had a dance party and watched a movie and made pizzas...they were realllyyy good.

Today I was supposed to hang out with a bunch of random people...Eric and Aubrey and then some other people wanted to hang out too...I was actually going to do something with Eric, but we couldn't think of anyone else we wanted to hang out with, and we couldn't do something just us cuz apparently thats a date...so he said he'd call if he could think of anyone, but I said uhh how bout another time...so I'm doing something with Daddy today!! :D...I'm really excited, actually. Dad's been gone for a week, and I was pretty busy with finals and rehearsals and stuff, but I still really missed him...and mom told me today he'll be gone for two weeks again in a week. So I'm excited to spend time with him and do fun stuff.

...I'm going to go to the box office and help fill out ticket orders...

Stressed, Exhausted, and Busy

Finals are next week and I am so very stressed and so very exhausted and so very busy. This year, instead of taking the whole cast for a click recording, Mulay and Hunter chose 10 girls and 10 guys to go...and guess who got stuck in a very long rehearsal that went two hours over. uh-HUH...But we sound pretty fabulous. Mulay joked that she should cut everyone else out of the show and then it would sound amazing...somehow, I doubt many other people would have found that funny...anyway. I've been working super hard all week, and I got a perfect score on my math test and a 50/51 on my speech...YAY!! ...so hopefully those grades will be pulled up...Biology is fabulous as always, and I am amazed to find it is my best class. I can never decide what I want to do in life, I enjoy so many things. One minute I want to be an ER doctor, then I want to be a singer or actress or dancer, then I want to be a phsycologist or therapist...I know I LOVE dance and singing, and I love Science and I love people...I want to do something working to help people...help save lives, help make lives better through therapy ect, or help spread joy and gladness..haha...through singing or dance. I just want to help people, and sing and dance. ...and do something with health care maybe...hmm.
...but right now, I just wanna get through finals. ugh....though I only have to go to school 3 days out of 4...all half days except the last, which is only 2 hours. ;) ...Musical Theater only has a end-of-year final. yay....so i get to skip wednesday. hahahahahahahahah. ...I think I'm going to see death trap...a musical Mulay is directing at the Civic...tomorrow or saturday...maybe I'll get some friends together. Aubrey, Eric, Justin, and maybe Anthony and I are going sledding next week...and I'll probably hang out with friends and study with friends and do something else with Eric and Justin. ...and study a lot. yep

I signed up for efy in normal, illinois!! Im roomates with Kim, and we linked ourselves to Angus and Ian. I am so excited...beyond beleif. and I'm going to girls' camp with kim and maybe Y.C. and we'll probably hang out more besides...I think she and Angus are coming up in Feb, to maybe see All Shook Up and hang out...maybe go to a dance or something. yay. ...I love my friends...I have good friends this year...in and out of Michigan. :D

I'm trying to think of something cool and exciting that isn't so personal i can't put it up online....It's hard. hmm. ...I can't wait to turn 16....it'll be way easier to see Kim and Angus and Ian...we can meet at towns in between our own. yess!!

...many thanks to mary beth and ruth. Ruth, the shampoo you got me is amazing....my hair is literally not frizzy at all...and when i blow dry it it is almost as if i straightened it. I go through it with a straightener here and there to get little spots in back, and then it looks fine!!! thank you sooo much!!

...and rachael, i love my purse so much..its my favorite i use it every day. I have had so many girls, at least 10 the first day, tell me they loved it and they wanted to buy one just like it. they asked where I got it and how much it was. They were absolutley awed when I said my sister made it, and kinda dissapointed they couldn't go buy one...I've decided the next girl that asks me, I will tell her I got it hand-made, I picked the design, and it came mail- order. ill tell her she can order one for 50 bucks...or maybe 100. that's not unrealistic for something you pick the colors for and it's hand made...you could make a ton of money on that, rachael....think about it!!

well gotta go, im exhausted and i need sleep!!

A Quick Update During Econ...

I AM SO SORE!! I started conditioning on monday...My abs hurt so much I think I will die. I've been dancing all week...Monday alone I danced for 5 hours. Bleh. ...and then some girl decided to take pictures of me dancing, and they're all over facebook...but I guess that's okay since I look super flexible in the picture. I'm just exhausted right now...and I have so much to do...I can't wait until finals, just to be DONE. ...and because I will only have three days with school, two of which are half days and one only 1 hour long...because my EFA class is cancelled on exam days. Joy!! ...so basically my life right now includes seminary, school, dance, and homework...I have no life. Maybe this weekend I will have time to do more homework...hmmm. Okay, bell's about to ring, I better go...

You Can Live A Year On That Jack...

Friday was the best day EVER. KIM CAME!!!! She got to my house around 12. I saw her pull up and ran out the door, screaming. She ran to me and we pretty much smashed into eachother...it kinda hurt but that's okay, we were too busy screaming and yelling to care what the reason was. We hung out in my room, did our hair, and had a dance party to our favorite music...I'm sure mom and dad thought the house would fall down. Then we drove to the mall and got makeovers, and made faces at one another whenever the workers weren't looking. It was really fun. We shopped some...then we went to Airway lanes and met Eric, Justin, and Anthony....it was super busy so we played cards until there was an open lane. ...played cards with tiny 2x1 cards that were pink and yellow with a big tweety bird on them. Justin looked at them and said, "All my manliness just died." I looked up, suprised. "What manliness?"...I ducked, and everyone laughed, including Justin...Anthony grabbed Justin's arm and yelled, "Quick!! Watch football!!" We bowled...and Elise is rubbing off on me, because I made Kim tie my shoelaces. I HATE bowling shoes. It was really fun, even though I had the worst score...interesting, last time I got a turkey...This time I was lucky If I didn't have 3 opens in a row. Sad, sad, sad...But Kim made me feel better by giving me back rubs and high-fiving my horrid scores....well, the others high-fived me too, but they didn't give me back rubs. ...then I sneaked up behind Kim before she was about to bowl, and I poked her...She yelped, jumped in the air, and fell on the ground, still holding the ball, and started laughing uncontrollably. I tried to help her up, laughing pretty hard myself...Oh, I love that girl. Well, then we split into two cars and drove to Ming Dynasty...Eric was so funny. Kim and I went to the bathroom really quickly first, and He thought we were going to one of the exits. So he ran and got his car to pull it around...Then Kim and I came out, and assumed he had gone and was waiting outside...We went to look for him, out a different exit...we couldn't find him so we waited. He pulled up in abou 2 minutes, got out and opened the doors for us. We asked and he said he thougt we were going out the first door, so he raced to get the car to impress us...but we didn't show up, so he came over here and we were waiting for him. Poor guy....But we had a fabulous time singing along with the radio on the way to dinner. When we got there, I forgot that his car has only 2 doors, and shut Kim inside. Eric walked around the car and opened the door for her...as he was helping her out, I slipped on black ice and fell hard on my back and arm. Eric finished helping Kim, closed the door, turned and saw me, and walked over, laughing, to help me up. I finally laughed too, and as he offered me his hand and I took it, I said, "Is this becoming a tradition? Every time we hang out I slip on ice and you help me up?" He laughed. looked aoround and saw Justin carrying my dropped purse inside...aww, I have such nice guy friends!!!...we ate dinner and played farzle...It was so much fun. After about an hour, we decided to drive to my house and hang out some more...we played quelf, foosball, more farzle, and other various games...including egyptian ratscrew, this time with more manly cards. Anthony got REALLY into it...seriously, his expression was deranged and desperate. He slapped so hard I was sure the table would split in half, and he developed this kind of maniacle laughter through the course of the game when he got any cards. So, this game accomplished 2 things...a very interesting laugh for anthony and an explination for why he rarely plays cards, and a new saying from me..."You can live for a year on that jack." I think I said it when someone got the jack card for the first time...I don't remember. But it kinda developed so I heard Eric say angrily when Anthony stole his cards and started cackling madly, "Oh, Darn it!! He can live for a year on that jack!!" He sounded so depressed and morose, It was almost tearful. We played more farzle...Anthony helped me make cinnamon milk. Kim wanted Hot chocolate, and well---It SAYS to put 1/3 c for cinnamon milk, I guess maybe I thought it could be the same for hot chocolate. So Kim got a cup of verry chocolatey chocolate...and Anthony and I tried not to choke on our milk as we watched her try to keep a straight face and be polite about my granny's special hot chocolate recipe. Arond 10:30 maybe we decided we were pretty much done...so the 5 of us ran outside into the cold. ...Kim in a hoddie, me in a short-sleeved thin shirt and jeans...the guys had coats, I think. There ensued a snow/ice fight. I got snow down my shirt, and Anthony found a party popper thingie and popped it in my face. I thought I had been blinded by a firecracker...I opened my eyes to find confetti all over my hair. Kim and I got most of the guys in the face...I know for sure I got Eric, But I'm not sure If iI aimed as well with the other two. My hands were freezing by now, I thought they would fall off. I think I realized Eric was an insane gentleman somewhere in the period of time where he let me put my freezing hands on his warm cheecks...very kind of him, I'm sure It was terribly uncomfortable. He pretty much saved my night...Pulld the car around, helped me when I fell, let me freeze his face off so I could be more comfortable. ...Anthony provided entertainment...I WISH you could have seen his face during cards. Justin was just all-around Justin--the way he always is. insanely hilarious, easy-going...applauding my failures at bowling. Thanks for that. Kim--oh Kim I miss you...Kim made me happy. because just being around her I feel like...I CAN FLY LIKE SUPAMAN!!! or something along those lines. It was the best day ever....I hope we can do something like that again soon, it was soo much fun. Yay for good friends, Tweetie Bird cards, Chinease food, Farzling, and snowball fights.